I love them of course, I would die for them without hesitation. I am not saying I want them to go away, but sometimes I do not like them! I am serious, this is something more parents need to hear. I don’t like my daughters at times. I don’t want to be around them sometimes. I don’t feel in love with them all the time, and it kills me.
Children are a gift from the LORD. They are a reward from Him. – Psalm 127:3
Forty-five minutes into a temper tantrum I do not see big shiny bows on my “gift’s” heads; in fact they seem far more like trials than gifts. I didn’t choose Tiny or Destructo and they didn’t choose me; God put the three of us together. God saw fit to give me these gifts; these two little girls. There are days I ask myself ,”What did I do to deserve this kind of ‘gift’“? Every time I ask this question I come to the same answer:
I am incomprehensibly selfish!
For example, right now I want to type this blog post more than I want to play with my daughter. All she wants is my attention and frankly all I want if for her to go away. I could choose to put a DVD of Frozen on and struggle with the guilt of pushing my daughter off on technology. I could choose to find a way to include her in this activity and let it take over 2 hours (toddler inclusion sounds sweet but usually make you want to scream “JUST LET ME DO IT” after about 20 minutes). Or…I could choose to set my desires aside, acknowledge that my little girls needs me more than a computer screen, and play with her.
See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. – 1 John 1:3a
I need to set myself, and all the entails, to the side for my girls. That is hard! I have the ultimate example for this selfless love. I am a gift to God and never once did he ask “Why did I get this gift?”
“In the moment I pray to God, show me why you gave me these babies. What am I choosing to miss out on because of my selfishness. Allow me to see what my girls need and give me the wisdom and patients to provide it.”
Yes I do not like my kids some days! Destructo drives me crazy sometimes! This is totally normal! Take a breath, step back, and look at the bigger picture. More often than not you simply need to set something aside.
So I am going to go.
Yup. I have uttered those exact words to my husband on more than a few occasions. I love them with all my heart but on same days I don’t like them one bit. Motherhood is HARD! Worth it but oh-so-hard.