When kids are little they worship you. I often find myself telling Hubs that 3 months to 12 months was my favorite time. From the first smile to their first steps (and beyond) your babies world revolved around you. This sounds awesome and most of the time it is. I love getting my girls from the nursery at church. Honestly you never feel more loved then when a tiny human beams, smiles, screams, and bounds with joy all because he or she saw you. You are the giver of healing kisses; the best singer in the world; the smartest, prettiest, most perfect person in their little baby world.
This is also a frustrating stage. You are literally the end all be all to everything they are. They don’t know anything outside of you which means when they have a problem you are the answer. You don’t get to take a break from your teething 4 month old. Lets not even talk about when they have a cold!
But it’s also a time when you get to experience what unrelenting unconditional love feels like from another human being. Babies forgive you for everything because they love you more than your mistakes. They love you more than your decision, more than your anger, more than your frustration when your sleep deprivation. Kids love you with everything they have which is abundant more then you’d think. They have eyes that can pierce your soul. They have a cry that will shatter your heart and a giggle that will put it back together.
Tiny is in the thralls of Mommy Worship. This means when I am in the room she is touching me. If she hears my voice, she comes to find me and then touches me. If I put her down she cries. If someone else picks her up she cries. I am the only solution to her unknown problem (me and a bottle). It is a constant battle for me. Do I pick her up when she is crying? Do I let her cry and hope she figures it out? The problem with being a Mommy is you are human. My girls might think I am perfect but I am not. I don’t always get it right. This annoying humanity also means I don’t have all the answers.
Sometimes I just need to be reminded that I am doing alright. Having a baby need you all day is amazingly exhausting but also time consuming; but right now this is my full time job. More over this is my calling from God for this time in my life. I was humbled by a mom friend this past week by how she responded to her infant son crying. She calmly took him from the nursery worker saying “I know baby, Mommy makes it all better.” Its that the truth! While I wanted to walk back out of the room and avoid my crying baby this mommy friend masterfully embraced her role as Sun to her babies Earth.
I am only going to be Tiny’s world for a few more years. Soon her sense of independence will kick in and I will be a point of conflict more than comfort. Soon she will join Destrcuto in terrible twos, threes, and fours. Eventually we could bring in another baby (but not soon…oh not soon)!
All of this to say I don’t hold to any “parenting style” but I am learning my role and a Mommy means more of them and far, far less of me; because honestly they are only this little once.