I am officially in my third trimester! I am almost done with my pregnancy, the morning sickness is over, the baby kicks are constant, and the belly is undeniable. If all goes according to plan we will have a little bundle of squishy baby goodness in less than three months. If all goes as planned this will also be my last pregnancy. I didn’t think my baby making days would be over by 5 years of marriage! God’s timing and all that jazz I suppose.
I guess because this is my last pregnancyI find myself more sentimental. Don’t misunderstand me, I am literally counting down the day before baby boy Glass gives my body back. I am not going to miss my new “sexy mama waddle” or the almost constant back pain. I look forward to sitting up without groaning and eating foods I love without any negative repercussions. But I also know every little baby kick is “the last one”. My belly is my last belly. This will be my last labor and delivery [more on that to come]. So I find myself looking back on my last two pregnancies, trying to remember Destructo’s kicks or Tiny’s belly.
I didn’t take many pictures while pregnant with Destructo. Instagram wasn’t big, I didn’t own a “smart phone”, and I had no idea what I was doing. I regret not taking pictures. A wonderful friend agreed to do a “maternity shoot” for me when I was about 8 1/2 months along.
but that’s all I have.
When I found out I was pregnant again, this time with Tiny, I vowed to capture every moment.
Every week I took a belly shot. It took planing, some creative tripod work, and a lot of self timer but my nine month journey with Tiny was captured. I still wanted a formal “maternity shoot” but after failed attempts to hire someone I ended up doing my own DIY shoot.
I did have instagram at this point but clearly didn’t know how to use it.I took 1 “bump” picture the entire pregnancy. I look through the last two pregnancies and can tell I clearly didn’t feel beautiful. Don’t misunderstand my meaning, please. I loved my bellies! Just looking through my pictures all you see are bellies. Where is my face? Where is my smile? Why am I hiding my whole body?
Pregnancy is hard for every women differently. I am thrilled I have “easy” pregnancies and dream deliveries. But my pregnancies came at a cost to my body. I got stretch marks on belly, thigh, and bottom. I also gained weight; 50 lbs each time and for someone who was always long and lean naturally gaining fifty pounds took its toll on me mentally. People commented on how “big I was” because I carried my bellies so far out. I let my own insecurities and standards of beauty cloud how I helped myself while pregnant, and worse how I allow myself to remember my pregnancies. I didn’t take the pictures I want to see because I was too self conscious.
So here I am two thirds of the way through my last pregnancy and I made a goal, to capture every moment could!
I’m getting better at instagram
And of course I’m proudly maintaining my fitness this time around.
And you know whats amazing, I am happier, healthier, and more content this pregnancy than I was with my last two. I am aware of my weight. I am aware of my emotions. I am intentional about rejoicing in the journey rather than enduring it. There are days I feel “fat” or uncomfortable in my growing skin, of course there are! My back hurts and I complain. I wonder if my girls are ready, heck if I’m ready for a third child. But in the mist of all the wonder, worry, and wishing I take intentional moments to simply enjoy and capture this miracle.
Today I am 31 weeks pregnant with my third and final child. My body will never be the same. My belly will NEVER be the way it was! I can’t see my feet. I pee every half hour and feel hungry just as often. And I am more beautiful in my pregnancy; every week I am more beautiful. And I pray I can capture that so I can remember and so I can show my children, especially my daughters.